So it's been a little over two months since I posted last. My business class went fine, got an A, learned minimal amounts of introductory business material, pretty standard. Getting an A was nice, but for the last assignment I waited till the very last minute to turn it in, well last 30 minutes, and that was a pointless bit of stress I didn't want. Something I tend to do to myself over and over again though.

I've been playing a bunch of poker, and watching a ton of poker training/informational videos. Really, poker is an extremely interesting game. Unfortunately for me I have really bad tilt control, not that I play horribly when I tilt, I just tilt easily and then quit playing. Even at the tiny stakes I'm playing, losing a few dollars to someone who is just dicking around bothers me. So for now I'm just trying to learn a lot about it, and then I will eventually start playing again, and hopefully free of tilt.

This semester I'm taking accounting and microeconomics, neither of which should be too difficult. After that I only have 5 more classes to take before I can transfer to a four year institute, which is my basic life plan at the moment. I'm also going to hopefully be getting a job as a lifeguard, and then I can make some legitimate monies.

As for my mind thoughts...

I've been trying to adopt a better way of looking at the world, because throughout my life I've put into habit taking negative views of things, whether they be in the past, or in the future. This makes it really hard to do things I want to do, because I automatically see them as threatening, and view the most likely outcomes of them as failures. I'm working on reevalutating my idea of failure all together actually, because for most of the things I'm getting worked up about, failure isn't a big threat, or even a scary threat.

Some times I judge failure as being uncomfortable or saying something I wish I wouldn't have said, or somehow doing something unintelligent. But that's a pretty terrible definition of failure that sets me up for lots of "failures" that aren't really that bad at all.

There is a strange dissonance between what I know to be true and how I act. I know that when I do what I want to do I feel good afterwards, whether it went well or not. And when I don't do what I want to do because I feel too apprehensive about it, I don't feel good. Yet I can't convince myself to stop being some anxious about things. I might be concentrating too much on controlling anxiety instead of ignoring it and realizing that it doesn't have a strong basis in reality.

As far as flash work goes.

I'm doing a part for a newgrounds art collaboration that should be pretty good. I have some ideas for games still, but I'm not sure I'll be able to create them since I'll be taking some classes and hopefully working a lot. I will definitely have a game for october though, so if all else fails, that's when you'll see another submission from me.